In Which I Advise Myself

So awhile ago, I saw a blog in which the writer was giving her younger self advice. At that time I meant to write a similar post, but I never did. Today, I rectify that. So from the ripe old age of 29, here are some things I know now that I wish I had known sooner.

• You won't always have the same friends. And this is OK. What's not OK is doing things just because your friends are doing them. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it.
• On the other hand, Juliet, there's no reason not to have a little fun. It's entirely fine to have fun and occasionally blow things off. Just decide which things are important to you, and don't blow them off.
• It will be easier if you learn to keep your emotions in check. You may never be entirely successful at this, but try not to overreact.
• Don't coast so much. Even if you're good at things, you can get better.
• Money ... you'll be fine. Sometimes you will definitely be finer than others, but it's not worth wasting too much time worrying about it.
• You are not good at directions. Get a definite plan and directions before you go.
• Being honest with people is always better. Just say it. You don't have to be mean. Stringing someone along and being miserable is never the best option. And don't pretend that you like people and things you don't.
• Get the allergy medicine from behind the counter by the pharmacist. It's worth it.
• Don't be defined by inertia. It's not a reason to stay in a relationship, apartment or party. Or really anything else.
• Be bold. Not obnoxious, bold.

Let Me See the Ring!

So I have recently gotten engaged. (No, not because of the health insurance issues raised in my last post.) And one of the first things people ask is to see the ring. And it's a natural instinct ... I've asked that question myself of the newly engaged female.

And I show them. And I tell them my favorite feature of the ring: It is from a mall kiosk, and it cost $21 with tax. It's pretty -- it says Love and the O is a (fake, obvs) diamond.

"But why didn't you get a real ring?" And not to knock other people's diamonds (if you want one, by all means you should have one), but I do have reasons. To wit:

• It's a custom I don't really understand. Why does the woman get one but not the man? Is she being bought? Bribed?
• They are ridiculously expensive. This is by no means the main reason, but saving several hundred dollars that could be spent on something I do want is a nice perk.
• The diamond industry ... what a racket!
• I don't really wear jewelry. Not for a good reason, I just don't. And my finger tends to vary in size, even within the span of one day (but it's always super tiny).

So those are my thoughts. And I will sport my Piercing Pagoda ring until the wedding date, when it will be replaced by a sweet tattoo!

My Contribution to the Healthcare Debate

I can be a shouter, but plenty of shouting is already happening around the healthcare debate. Nonetheless, here's my story.

Now that I've shacked up and Boyfriend is laid off, it's time to add him to my insurance. I'm lucky enough to have employer-subsidized insurance, and my plan offers domestic partner benefits. It's a high deductible plan, but I have some money saved in my HSA and so far all has worked for me. Perfect. Almost.

I go to work and ask how to go about adding a domestic partner. You have to fill out a form and have it notarized (for the record, you are not required to prove you are actually married with any type of official form). Fine. His premium is not pre-tax like mine and like a spouse's would be. Slightly less fine, but grit my teeth and agree to pay it.

Oh ... and he can't access the money in my HSA. And my employer can't contribute to the HSA at the rate they would if we were married. Not fine.

Apparently it's an IRS rule. Since he isn't married, getting the full benefit of my insurance (which we would be paying for) is too much of a tax advantage. Remember that Boyfriend is not fortunate enough to be employed full-time (not for lack of interest or skills), so a tax burden is indeed burdensome.

So, now it comes down to marriage being a tax benefit for the married. We're fortunate enough to have the option to get married (a subject for another post), but we have chosen to remain unmarried for the time being (yet another post). I don't think access to healthcare is a good reason to get married (I'm sure it happens, though). I don't understand why standing in front of a judge or a minister would suddenly make him more attractive to insurers. I don't understand why marriage is a state institution (oops, treading on the ground of that other post).

So, to recap, my healthy 30-year-old boyfriend and I (a healthy 29-year-old) will pay about $900 a year for his insurance. Which will kick in after he reaches $3,000 in medical bills (let's all hope this doesn't happen). If it's a truly catastrophic event, we will pay over $5,000 out of pocket, and we won't be able to use my health savings account to pay for any of it -- and since we don't typically have an extra five grand, that money will either wipe out our savings or come from some type of loan, or we will pay a hefty tax penalty. We want him to have insurance. We want to pay for it. But the system sure does make it difficult. I've never written to a politician before, but I am researching addresses.

New Abode

All my stuff is moved ito the new place -- not all put away, but we'll get there. I've given my new address to what seems like a lot of people. My old place is cleaner than it ever was when I lived there. So the move is done.

Now I just have to make this my home. I'll have a new schedule, but I'm convinced that after an adjustment period that will be good. Must get a library card. Find a stylist I like. Figure out where the fabled martini bar is (and find a martini I like). Learn all the ins and outs of the local hot sandwich places, oil changers, grocery stores, etc. Every time I've moved to a new town, those are the important things -- home is in the four walls and the other people there, but it's also in the community. I'm largely a homebody, but a girl's gotta have the places where everybody knows her name (or at least vaguely recognizes me as someone who occasionally comes in).

It's a Wrap

Today I bought a wedding present for a wo-worker. Then I bought actual wrapping paper, and wrapped the present with clear tape and everything!

Nothing special, you say? The last wedding I went to, I got the couple a lovely item from the registry. Which I gave to them unwrapped and uncarded (but I told them who it was from). Christmas presents are wrapped usually in newspaper (I do try and use the colored sections, such as the comics), or they aren't wrapped at all. I am averse to buying wrapping paper, plus I just plain ol' don't really like wrapping gifts (not on principle, I just don't like it).

Close friends and family don't get wrapping, and people I don't know as well get the shiny paper and the sparkly bag with the fluffy tissue. Dunno why. But I did wrap my brother's wedding present today (probably like the second wrapped gift I've ever given him), because I had leftover paper.

I'm Not Here for Your Entertainment

Over the weekend, I was out. I consistently found myself moving over, since I consistently found my ass with a (much older and married) man's hand on it.

Then yesterday, I was walking. First, I encountered some maybe 12-year-old boys on bikes. They threw down their best line: "Hey, baby, what's up?" Smooth.

Then on the same walk, I encountered a man sitting on a bench having a smoke. Starts with some small talk about how I am exercising. I counter with the fact that I was on my way to DQ, and he one-ups me with that you can't tell and I don't need exercise (this is not true).

So ... why am I putting the vibe out there that makes inappropriate men think they should hit on me? It should be noted that I was walking on a huge T-shirt that said Gassy Fanny's on the back ... apparently that is a good look for me? Or maybe society is falling apart?

All Apologies

Lately it's come to my attention that I apologize too often. I do apologize for my transgressions (usually), which I think is fine. What I think is not fine is asking forgiveness for doing nothing wrong, or really nothing major at all ... asking a speaker to move to the front of the room, not holding the door wide enough for two seconds when helping someone move (seriously, the helping move part should cover all other sins), not having non-scented lotion in the guest bathroom, etc. Those are just major examples for the last few days.

So this ends now. I vow to be more careful about what I say. I will hold my apologies for when I actually mean it. I will use "excuse me" or some other interjection when necessary. And I will not verbally make myself the transgressor.

Thinking too much? Perhaps. Sorry? No.