One Year

Exactly one year ago today, I was starting to realize I really was in labor (technically my water broke very early in the morning, but all morning and part of the afternoon was pretty pain-free). That means today has marked one year since I've become a mom. And I've learned some things.

• When moms say they don't even remember their baby as a very new infant, they really are telling the truth. 
• Sleep is the best thing ever. But sleeping with a baby is the very best thing ever. 
• You really will worry every time something is wrong. Even if it's something minor. You're that person. 
• You'll cry when you go back to work. You'll move on and become a productive worker again, but those first few days suck. 
• The baby really will be fine. Most of the choices six of one, half dozen of the other.
• If you stress out, so will the baby. This does not make not-stressing-out any easier. 
• You'll become someone who gets sad and/or cries when something happens to a fictional baby on TV. 
• You only have to become part of the mommy wars if you want to be. When in doubt, stay off the damn Internet. 
• Make time for other people. Your friends, your family, and especially your spouse. This may be harder than it seems, but it's vitally important. 
• Babies reach milestones on their own time. Don't compare your kid to others. This is difficult. 
• You really will use a baby voice. So will everyone else you know. 
• You will love that baby more than you thought you ever could. 
• You may love being pregnant, and you may love the child growing inside you. But once the baby is actually born and becomes a real person, it's a whole new ballgame. 
• Oh, and those first weeks after the baby is born are uncomfortable bordering on painful. Cabbage leaves in your bra will help. 

My Layoff Plan

I haven't been successful in finding a new job. I just had my exit interview at my current job, which means as of Monday (or Saturday, depending on how you look at these things) I join the ranks of the unemployed. Scary, as I've never been there before.

Since I have a great tendency toward inertia, I need to have a plan for what exactly I'll do when I don't have a job to go to every day. Obviously I'll continue looking for jobs, and I plan to do freelance writing as well (so, you know, if you have any opportunities please send them my way). It will also be nice to have the summer to spend with Hailey - she'll still go to daycare a few days a week so that I can do freelance stuff and maintain my sanity (and I think daycare is good for kids), but we'll be home together quite a bit. Considering I was on FMLA last summer, we have a good groove of mommy-baby summers together. :)

But ... there are some things I want to accomplish while there are fewer demands on my time. Here's a partial list ... which will be added to as things come up.

• Take Hailey to visit my grandma in southern Minnesota (they've been together at a wedding, but we haven't actually made the trip yet - yikes)
• See my friend Jen in Fargo (she works in Alexandria once a week, so that may be where we meet up)
• Help my parents move, and probably help my mom with events this summer
• Lose some weight and get in shape enough to take a long bike ride with the baby trailer
• Thoroughly clean the house - and get rid of crap

That's a short list. I'll also be helping my mother-in-law with her business while they're on vacation, doing house stuff/lawn maintenance, helping my sister with her kids when she has no daycare, and helping Nick put up the shed. But I need some concrete goals so it doesn't turn into a summer of me on the couch watching Live with Kelly and Michael (don't judge). Hopefully I am soon employed!

Anything I should add to the list? 

Through My Daughter's Eyes

I was invited to a wedding where the mother of the bride sang a song she wrote for her daughter with the title above. Not being much of a singer, here's my attempt to capture life through my daughter's eyes. 

Hailey:
In your eyes, the moments between when you wake up and when we get you must be the saddest of your day - you haven't seen your parents in about 10 hours, your diaper is full, you're hungry, and you're in a cage. Hopefully that sadness is balanced by the moments when you are snuggled on our chests sleeping - you were under the weather this weekend, so there were many warm baby cuddles. You sacked out on top of me, I covered you with a blanket, and we slept - or you slept and I read or watched TV. Lovely moments for all.

In your eyes, having a full diaper is usually better than having it changed. But a diaper change does mean being cold and wet, being on your back, and being totally out of control. I'll never understand the allure of a poopy diaper, but I can see why you wouldn't like the change.

In your eyes, a bucket is amazing. It's a hat, it can hold toys, it can be upside-down or right-side up. It echoes when you stick your face in it and talk. You can bang on it and make noise, or you can bang it up and down to make a different noise. You love toys that you can pound or pound on - including utensils, blocks, books, whatever. It would be great if we could all take such pleasure in simple toys and manipulating objects. Your smile every time you get the exact same result is my miracle.

In your eyes, clothes are just objects that hang off you. Your hair (which is getting thicker) doesn't cause angst. Baths are fun (but Mommy's showers are torture). Your pants are getting too short -another reason I wish it was summer - but you don't care. Socks and hats are the best, because you can take them off. We could all learn to be less self-conscious and distracted by the material.

You're an amazing baby, Hailey. I love when you discover things (today you played with the light switch and watched the light go on and off for a long time). I love your snuggly body. I love you. And I love seeing the world through your eyes.

One Month

Hailey,

You turned one month old yesterday. To celebrate, you slept for six straight hours overnight. It was amazing! I don't know if you enjoyed it, but I sure did. You're such a good sleeper - even on nights you do wake up, you tend to eat and then fall right back asleep. I am a spoiled mommy.

You've already changed so much this month. Today is the last day you'll wear newborn size diapers. You've gained a pound since you were born - including 10 ounces in one week! Your eyelashes and hair are getting thicker (though you're still a ginger baby). You can track movement with your eyes, and you're obviously focusing more. I think you even recognize me and Daddy! You still like to be held as much as possible (you're snuggling with Daddy right now), but you continue to love your vibrating seat (which is home of the six-hour nights). We've started reading you stories - though I sometimes just read out loud from a magazine. You HATE taking baths, having your diaper changed or being naked in general.

I did have one incident of mommy paranoia. You have a lump on your head that appeared a few weeks ago. We took you to see Dr. Lee, who recommended an ultrasound to rule out something serious. You slept right through the ultrasound (they gave you a heated blanket). Fortunately, it turned out to be nothing - just a benign cyst. It may go down with time, and I think it will be completely covered when your hair gets thicker.

And, sadly, if someone ever asks if you've been dropped on your head, you can say yes. In my worst mom moment, I fell asleep while holding you against my chest, and you fell off the bed onto the wooden floor. I immediately freaked out, but fortunately you were and are fine. And now I am very careful about holding you when I am tired.

Basically, Hailey, you're still a perfect little girl. You have perfect people skills. You are amazingly easy to care for. And you're beautiful and smart. I love you.

Mommy