The Summer of Plan B

Sorry about the delay, folks ... this may or may not be worth the wait. 

So I realized I'm behind in blogging. I haven't even posted here that I have a new job (working in marketing at Legacy Building Solutions, a company that makes tension fabric buildings). This is the end of week two, and so far so good. The people are nice, the atmosphere is family-like, and I get to learn new things (good: construction terms; less good: Photoshop) which will be useful in real life and the future, and I get to be creative and have my ideas used.

Which is not the summer of laid off I was expecting. Or the summer of working at DealChicken I was expecting before that. Nick is still on bedrest, so it's been busy at home. Thank God for my mother-in-law for helping with Nick every day, to our daycare lady for being so awesome and flexible, and to pretty much everyone else for being generally supportive.

So new job and being the only one in my house who can put on pants has come with many demands on me. And it's meant missing out on some things (a wedding, naps, trips to Maddock), but it's also meant more family time than we probably would have had otherwise (everyone is at home every evening). And "adaptability" is one of my top five strengths, so it's actually gone a little better than I thought it would (so far I've been to work on time every day!). Money-wise I think it will be fine, but it's hard to tell as we haven't gotten any bills yet to see how everything will shake out with insurance. But we've been eating at home and only driving one car, so I'm not too worried about it.

And so plan B continues. And it's a good thing - if I were laid off this whole time, we probably would have a hard time with bills since Nick also isn't working. And who knows how we'd be treating each other if we were home all day every day (our relationship is fine, but there's such a thing as personal space). And we got to watch the whole season of Arrested Development together. And I've finally figured out how to make Cream of Wheat without boiling it over and making a huge mess.

So that's an update on the summer of plan B. Hopefully I'll get back to regular blogging, and better posts than this, soon. It's good for the soul.

One Year

Exactly one year ago today, I was starting to realize I really was in labor (technically my water broke very early in the morning, but all morning and part of the afternoon was pretty pain-free). That means today has marked one year since I've become a mom. And I've learned some things.

• When moms say they don't even remember their baby as a very new infant, they really are telling the truth. 
• Sleep is the best thing ever. But sleeping with a baby is the very best thing ever. 
• You really will worry every time something is wrong. Even if it's something minor. You're that person. 
• You'll cry when you go back to work. You'll move on and become a productive worker again, but those first few days suck. 
• The baby really will be fine. Most of the choices six of one, half dozen of the other.
• If you stress out, so will the baby. This does not make not-stressing-out any easier. 
• You'll become someone who gets sad and/or cries when something happens to a fictional baby on TV. 
• You only have to become part of the mommy wars if you want to be. When in doubt, stay off the damn Internet. 
• Make time for other people. Your friends, your family, and especially your spouse. This may be harder than it seems, but it's vitally important. 
• Babies reach milestones on their own time. Don't compare your kid to others. This is difficult. 
• You really will use a baby voice. So will everyone else you know. 
• You will love that baby more than you thought you ever could. 
• You may love being pregnant, and you may love the child growing inside you. But once the baby is actually born and becomes a real person, it's a whole new ballgame. 
• Oh, and those first weeks after the baby is born are uncomfortable bordering on painful. Cabbage leaves in your bra will help. 

Through My Daughter's Eyes

I was invited to a wedding where the mother of the bride sang a song she wrote for her daughter with the title above. Not being much of a singer, here's my attempt to capture life through my daughter's eyes. 

Hailey:
In your eyes, the moments between when you wake up and when we get you must be the saddest of your day - you haven't seen your parents in about 10 hours, your diaper is full, you're hungry, and you're in a cage. Hopefully that sadness is balanced by the moments when you are snuggled on our chests sleeping - you were under the weather this weekend, so there were many warm baby cuddles. You sacked out on top of me, I covered you with a blanket, and we slept - or you slept and I read or watched TV. Lovely moments for all.

In your eyes, having a full diaper is usually better than having it changed. But a diaper change does mean being cold and wet, being on your back, and being totally out of control. I'll never understand the allure of a poopy diaper, but I can see why you wouldn't like the change.

In your eyes, a bucket is amazing. It's a hat, it can hold toys, it can be upside-down or right-side up. It echoes when you stick your face in it and talk. You can bang on it and make noise, or you can bang it up and down to make a different noise. You love toys that you can pound or pound on - including utensils, blocks, books, whatever. It would be great if we could all take such pleasure in simple toys and manipulating objects. Your smile every time you get the exact same result is my miracle.

In your eyes, clothes are just objects that hang off you. Your hair (which is getting thicker) doesn't cause angst. Baths are fun (but Mommy's showers are torture). Your pants are getting too short -another reason I wish it was summer - but you don't care. Socks and hats are the best, because you can take them off. We could all learn to be less self-conscious and distracted by the material.

You're an amazing baby, Hailey. I love when you discover things (today you played with the light switch and watched the light go on and off for a long time). I love your snuggly body. I love you. And I love seeing the world through your eyes.

Family

So what makes a family? Blood? Time? Commitment? Love? Marriage? And who decides? Is there one person who decides who is is part of the family and who is other? Is it just assumed after awhile? Do you treat "family" different from people who are close to family?

I've always been of the opinion that people with whom you celebrate holidays are family. But I'm told that's not right. I have blood family and not-blood family, and I'm closer to many of the latter than I am the former. But the blood family apparently wins. Weird.

Deserve

Recently, we were fortunate enough to take a Florida vacation. (Thanks, parents!) I was excited about the warmth and fun (turned out to be relative warmth, but it doesn't take much to beat Minnesota in January).

And before I left, people wished me well. And one person said to enjoy it because I deserved it.

But did I? I enjoyed it. I don't vacation often, and I am not an obnoxious vacationer. I am frugal and I think generally a good person. I work hard.

But does that mean I deserve a vacation? Or just that I am fortunate enough to be able to take one? I have a hard time deserving things ... does that mean other people don't deserve them? Or that I have deserved bad things that have happened to me? Or that I don't deserve them all the time?

Or that I worry too much about my middle class problems?

Since I've been engaged, people have been asking me if I plan to have kids, if I plan to keep my job when I do, how many I plan to have, what names I like, etc. So here's how it apparently goes ... when will you get a boyfriend? When are you getting married? Kids? What's after that -- when will I retire?

But anyway ... On Wednesday, Thursday and a little bit of Friday, a friend of mine had a 31-hour labor. Then they gave her a C-section. This after what seems to the casual observer to have been an unpleasant-all-around nine months.

Friday night, Sister left Nephew in my care for the night. And Nephew decided to have a screaming fit (one hour, then an hour after that ended there was another two hours of fun). He got a nap the next day. Guess who didn't?

So, no, I may never have kids.