Through My Daughter's Eyes

I was invited to a wedding where the mother of the bride sang a song she wrote for her daughter with the title above. Not being much of a singer, here's my attempt to capture life through my daughter's eyes. 

Hailey:
In your eyes, the moments between when you wake up and when we get you must be the saddest of your day - you haven't seen your parents in about 10 hours, your diaper is full, you're hungry, and you're in a cage. Hopefully that sadness is balanced by the moments when you are snuggled on our chests sleeping - you were under the weather this weekend, so there were many warm baby cuddles. You sacked out on top of me, I covered you with a blanket, and we slept - or you slept and I read or watched TV. Lovely moments for all.

In your eyes, having a full diaper is usually better than having it changed. But a diaper change does mean being cold and wet, being on your back, and being totally out of control. I'll never understand the allure of a poopy diaper, but I can see why you wouldn't like the change.

In your eyes, a bucket is amazing. It's a hat, it can hold toys, it can be upside-down or right-side up. It echoes when you stick your face in it and talk. You can bang on it and make noise, or you can bang it up and down to make a different noise. You love toys that you can pound or pound on - including utensils, blocks, books, whatever. It would be great if we could all take such pleasure in simple toys and manipulating objects. Your smile every time you get the exact same result is my miracle.

In your eyes, clothes are just objects that hang off you. Your hair (which is getting thicker) doesn't cause angst. Baths are fun (but Mommy's showers are torture). Your pants are getting too short -another reason I wish it was summer - but you don't care. Socks and hats are the best, because you can take them off. We could all learn to be less self-conscious and distracted by the material.

You're an amazing baby, Hailey. I love when you discover things (today you played with the light switch and watched the light go on and off for a long time). I love your snuggly body. I love you. And I love seeing the world through your eyes.

Good Timing

This week at work started out ... badly. We'll just say that things did not go the way I expected them to, and despite trying to appear like an adult I pretty much cried through the workday on Monday.

But today is Thursday, and I had a vacation scheduled for Thursday-Sunday. A camping vacation, which is starting a day late due to some hubby sickness, which will be a perfect chance for me to get away and enjoy a beverage and stare at a fire and do a lot of nothing.

So this week is ending ... well.

Community

Today in church the lesson was the good Samaritan and a sermon about being neighborly. Serving neighbors, who is your neighbor, etc.

And I was thinking similar thoughts last night. I haven't started volunteering regularly again since I moved. I'm sure there's a need, and that's something I should/want to do. And I will. But the question of neighbors and community is interesting to me right now. We live in the country, about equidistant from a number of towns. We church and do most of our business in St. Cloud. I work in Alexandria. Hubby works in Palmer (which is rather a small town with few services, etc.). Our kids (who are still theoretical) will likely go to school in Foley. Hubby's fam is around this area. Mine is scattered, though sister will be nearby in yet another town. So where is my community? Where do I set down roots? Making friends, establishing relationships, being a part of a community is an intentional decision. Where do I decide? How do I decide? I don't see geographic change in my future, so this is something that will take some thought.

Moving Pictures

I haven't been to the movies in like a month.

Now, this is not a big deal. But it is odd for me. After all, we are less than a month after the Oscars. And for the first year since probably high school, I didn't see the majority of the nominated films. No long days at the theater. No making lists and combing blogs obsessively. (I said obsessively. I read what I usually read as far as books and magazines - a list that skews toward entertainment.)

And I'm OK with that. Thanks to Netflix I had actually seen the Best Picture. But that's about it. And if it weren't available on DVD for quite a few weeks I probably would have missed The Hurt Locker.

Part of my entertainment relative abstinence is location (I quite wanted to see Precious, which never came to my area). Part timing (I was otherwise occupied for all of Up in the Air's local run). Part lack of interest (just not excited about Avatar, although in past years I would have gone anyway). Part Brokefest 2010 (though this is a minor detail, it did affect my decision making).

Maybe this year will be a blip in my radar - maybe next year I will see all (10?) Best Picture nominees. Maybe I never will again. Maybe I won't even watch the broadcast in future years. I don't know. I still enjoy movies. I still watch them often. And I still really like going to the theater, though I wish people would consider that a cell phone-free time. And I still like to read the blogs and see the dresses and read Entertainment Weekly. I think this year was just a year of other priorities. And that's OK.

P.S. Speaking of movies, if you haven't yet read Chris Jones's profile of Roger Ebert in Esquire, do yourself a favor and read it now. It moved me nearly to tears, and I'm usually not so inclined. Also, read Ebert's journal. Even now, he's much more than a man with thumbs.

Deserve

Recently, we were fortunate enough to take a Florida vacation. (Thanks, parents!) I was excited about the warmth and fun (turned out to be relative warmth, but it doesn't take much to beat Minnesota in January).

And before I left, people wished me well. And one person said to enjoy it because I deserved it.

But did I? I enjoyed it. I don't vacation often, and I am not an obnoxious vacationer. I am frugal and I think generally a good person. I work hard.

But does that mean I deserve a vacation? Or just that I am fortunate enough to be able to take one? I have a hard time deserving things ... does that mean other people don't deserve them? Or that I have deserved bad things that have happened to me? Or that I don't deserve them all the time?

Or that I worry too much about my middle class problems?

What's a Girl To Do?

Since I've been a Weight Watcher, I've developed a love for the oats and chocolate Fiber One bar (actually usually a generic equivalent thereof). Tasty. Satisfies my need for chocolate in the afternoon. Fills me up until dinner. Cheap. Meets basically all my needs. All pros.

Con: Apparently that much fiber in the afternoon doesn't sit well with me. Specifically, later that evening it causes a problem of the gastrointestinal variety, which causes unpleasantness for those around me.

I like the pros. In fact, I may love the pros. I seriously dislike the con. I am not sure how to solve this dilemma.

Why does everything happen to me?

Positive Balance Sheet

All week long, work has been INSANE! And most of what I've been working on comes with at least some frustration. So I've been complaining more than is strictly necessary.

And today was no different. Last-minute tour (which I honestly don't mind, but they do throw a monkey wrench into the day). Reproofing the same (super boring) rules over several times. Finding out that a sign-up sheet I created was seriously underused. Just lots going on in general. And at the end of the day I was in the bathroom and I noticed that my hair was quite greasy looking - I hope it didn't look that way all day.

But it's the end of the day now (Idol is almost over), and when I look back over the day I feel positive about it. I feel like today was overall a very good day. And at the risk of being schmaltzy (which despite the occasional tone of this blog I swear I am not), here is what made today a good day.

• I got to ride my bike to work for the first time this year. It was Earth Day, and it was a beautiful day. If I never had to drive a car again that would be OK with me, so biking is always good.
• I won the Volunteer Fair drawing. I got a blanket. A nice fleecy one.
• After four weeks of Weight Watchers, I officially lost 10 pounds today!
• Perhaps best of all, tonight was wine bar with my friends. And wine bar is always fun, but tonight seemed like an especially good time. I only had one glass of wine (and more chicken pizza than was probably advised), but it was seriously great.

I hope things are this good tomorrow!

How Should I Feel?

I have been reading about people who have two jobs, go to school and have kids. Personally I have one of these four things and that is more than enough for me. Initially when I read these stories, I have a brief flash of inadequacy.

And then I realize there's no need for that. I work. I volunteer. I take care of myself, and to the extent that I can I take care of the world around me. And some day I may have kids and a second job and go back to school - but frankly, I kind of doubt that. And it's working for me. And I will not apologize for my life. I know I would have/be more if I worked harder at it, but I like what I have and what I am. And I think that's the secret.