Moving Pictures

I haven't been to the movies in like a month.

Now, this is not a big deal. But it is odd for me. After all, we are less than a month after the Oscars. And for the first year since probably high school, I didn't see the majority of the nominated films. No long days at the theater. No making lists and combing blogs obsessively. (I said obsessively. I read what I usually read as far as books and magazines - a list that skews toward entertainment.)

And I'm OK with that. Thanks to Netflix I had actually seen the Best Picture. But that's about it. And if it weren't available on DVD for quite a few weeks I probably would have missed The Hurt Locker.

Part of my entertainment relative abstinence is location (I quite wanted to see Precious, which never came to my area). Part timing (I was otherwise occupied for all of Up in the Air's local run). Part lack of interest (just not excited about Avatar, although in past years I would have gone anyway). Part Brokefest 2010 (though this is a minor detail, it did affect my decision making).

Maybe this year will be a blip in my radar - maybe next year I will see all (10?) Best Picture nominees. Maybe I never will again. Maybe I won't even watch the broadcast in future years. I don't know. I still enjoy movies. I still watch them often. And I still really like going to the theater, though I wish people would consider that a cell phone-free time. And I still like to read the blogs and see the dresses and read Entertainment Weekly. I think this year was just a year of other priorities. And that's OK.

P.S. Speaking of movies, if you haven't yet read Chris Jones's profile of Roger Ebert in Esquire, do yourself a favor and read it now. It moved me nearly to tears, and I'm usually not so inclined. Also, read Ebert's journal. Even now, he's much more than a man with thumbs.

Things I Am Sure No One Else Cares About

Recently I have come to the conclusion that I say "gotta" too much: We gotta go to the store. We just gotta get some Shamrock shakes. Etc. I don't like this. While I am usually pretty careful about what I say, this is a phrase that does not make me sounds smart. And since it is not a necessary part of speech, I should stop saying it.

Also "hopefully" in the sense of "it is to be hoped. "Hopefully" means "in a hopeful manner - an attitude, rather than a general sense of hoping.

So, if you hear me saying these things, please stop me. I intend to be vigilant, but it's hard. And I don't want to do something such as a quarter jar, since I find those to be more trouble than they are worth. But I am accepting ideas for something that will help me stop!

Playing Chickens

Things are in flux at work -- in a good way. My freelance "career" is looking hopeful. And I admit, I'm getting starry-eyed -- or more accurately, dollar sign-eyed. And honestly, things at the Raybrink house could benefit from an infusion of dollars.

So how do I keep myself from counting chickens before they hatch? Yes, my merit raise is a sure thing and will kick in in a few months. But the freelance income and the other work possibilities are just that -- possibilities. And though I have visions of eliminating debt, bulking up savings, taking a fancy honeymoon and perhaps getting a new car, I have to be responsible. And, financially speaking, I am.

But it sure is fun to dream!

Deserve

Recently, we were fortunate enough to take a Florida vacation. (Thanks, parents!) I was excited about the warmth and fun (turned out to be relative warmth, but it doesn't take much to beat Minnesota in January).

And before I left, people wished me well. And one person said to enjoy it because I deserved it.

But did I? I enjoyed it. I don't vacation often, and I am not an obnoxious vacationer. I am frugal and I think generally a good person. I work hard.

But does that mean I deserve a vacation? Or just that I am fortunate enough to be able to take one? I have a hard time deserving things ... does that mean other people don't deserve them? Or that I have deserved bad things that have happened to me? Or that I don't deserve them all the time?

Or that I worry too much about my middle class problems?

2010 Goals

Since this blog was originally started to track my goals, and since 2009 is over, it's new goal time. So here is what I will work toward in 2010.

• Accrue no new debt in 2010. Doesn't sound that hard, but since Juliet's income is now supporting two people it's harder than it used to be.
• Accumulate savings equal to four paychecks. This may conflict with the no-new-debt goal, and there is some travel dollars that will be spent this year, but what's the point of goals if they aren't ambitious?
• Maintain my current weight.
• Tone my arms before the wedding. They will still have farmer's freckles, but they needn't keep waving after I stop.
• Complete 10 freelance jobs this year. Both to help with the financial goals, and to increase my marketability and learn new skills. Can't grow if you don't stretch.
• Have an awesome wedding. Followed by an awesome marriage!

"I" Have Become "Them"

So today ... total bummer. And lately life has consisted of a streak of not-my-best days. And even though I really try to compartmentalize things so that I am not cranky at people and things who don't deserve it, I may not have been 100% successful lately.

And since I try to be nice and a good person, blah, blah, blah, I'm working on that this week. And it has occurred to me that I might be missing something that would perhaps improve my mood - exercise. My commuting schedule and brokeness have combined to severely limit my gym access, and the fact that it's been in the double digits below zero has severely limited my access to outside. And the holiday fun and yumminess has limited my ambition to do things like workout tapes.

Yes, apparently I am one of those people who gets depressed when I don't exercise. This is a prime example of things about me that have changed in the past decade or so.

Goal Check-In

I originally started this goal as part of my accountability group to stay on top of my goals. Group has since dissolved, but as I am an honest Ginger I am following up on how I did in 2009. 2010 goals to follow soon(ish).

• Lose weight: Pass! I thought my ideal weight was 170 ... as of last week I hit my Weight Watchers goal of 160 (as of this week, I am above that - too much holiday fun). So happiness. Sad that none of my clothes fit (I hate shopping for clothes), but I can take the bad with the good.
• Professional Development: Fail. No formal training occurred. Although I have taken on some new responsibilities (due to some changes in the team) and I am generally happier with work than I was at this time last year, so while I can't honestly call it a success I am not feeling bad about the failure.
• Strengthen connections: Pass? Attended class reunion, keeping up on Facebook and elsewhere ... it's lame, but I am keeping tabs on those important to me. I also intended to blog at least weekly, which is a fail, but disregarding a few time periods it went pretty well. And although I live far from my work friends we are still buds. Next step: friends where I actually live.
• Increase practical fun skills: Pass, I think. Much better cook than I was last year, although I haven't quantified recipes. But less processed food goes into my mouth, so success. This goal was also intended to make me a better knitter - fail. Mostly due to lack of effort.
• I thought I also had a goal to compete in a bike race. I did fail at this, due to my lack of competitive spirit. But I did bike much, and I enjoyed it. And I dragged Boyfriend out with me often (often on the homemade tandem), so that is a double pass.

Overall a good year. Perhaps reflection to follow, but 2010 goals to follow for sure. I just need to figure out what they are specifically. And I need some sleep, as I am rather a tired panda.