Lazy Mom's Guide: One Store

Another in a series of posts to make you look like a better mom. Although this tip is good for pretty much everyone. 

This weekend I needed groceries, baby shoes, TP and sunscreen. I had a coupon about to expire for the grocery store, so I went there for the food. I went to a box store with an incorporated shoe store for the shoes. I intended to buy the sundries there, but for some reason they didn't sell those items (or they made it impossible to find - several laps later, I gave up).

So today's lunch break was dedicated to buying TP and sunscreen. It would have been much easier to make one trip and buy all the things. Plus, I made impulse buys at each of the three stores, so I would also have saved money.

Shopping at one store does sometimes require planning. For example, had I used the coupon last week I could have avoided the grocery store this week and just picked up fresh things at Target. And it may mean you can't play the coupon game (a habit I think sounds cool but have never actually done), but your sanity is better. Plan ahead. Go to one store per week (or every few days if you need). Buy paper goods at the grocery or groceries at the big box store - the savings will even out, and your sanity will be worth it.

The First Six Months

Thanks to Revanche at A Gai Shan Life for the idea ...

Nick and I met online. And for several months, that's where a lot of our relationship took place - we IMed a lot (remember when you did that not at work?). We were living about an hour apart from each other - me in an apartment, he in a house with his sister. So for several years we drove back and forth every other weekend.

And in that first six months (or what I remember as the first six months - some of these things may have actually happened later, but memory is subjective), we learned a lot about each other. The role of family in our lives, and the role of friends. How we felt about and related to money (hint: we learned to actually talk about it). How we spent our free time. And what we saw in the future.

And we created a lot of memories in those months. Inside jokes we still use today. Fun times, and silly times. I knew right away this was it - after our first or second date I told a co-worker I wouldn't be dating anyone new anytime soon. And seven years later, I still don't think I'll be dating anyone else. And now we've created more memories, created our own little family and learned more about how to relate to each other. But if we hadn't had those first six months, I don't know where we'd be today.

A Grown-Up House

You know those people who can entertain at the drop of a hat? Their house is always picked up. The house looks like someone actually thought about the decor. There's always something to serve, even if it's baby carrots and coffee ...

Yeah. I don't have one of those houses. I grew up like that (my mom's actually a very good entertainer), so I know it's not that the house is uncomfortable for the people who live there. I'm just too lazy. Even before I had the baby, I wasn't good at picking up - much less vacuuming, etc. Sometimes I notice cobwebs in the corners. Rarer still, I do something about them.

And sometimes it bothers me. This weekend I have a group of friends coming for breakfast. Luckily, they're laid-back friends who care more about the company than the actual house - and I'll make bacon, which means it will be a winner. Hailey's birthday party is in a few weeks. That's the type of event with mothers and grandmothers in attendance, so I'll probably tidy up for that and serve food out of serving dishes (thanks to my previous job, I have them in extreme abundance).

And someday, I probably will get in the habit of regularly doing just a little bit of maintenance to add up to a nice home. But for now, we finally have a couch that matches and isn't broken - so that's enough for me today. If you come to my house, pay attention to my delightfulness rather than my messiness.

Give Yourself a Break

This morning I woke up to a dusting of snow (which was expected to and did melt quickly). Hailey slept late (until about 8:00, which is a solid hour later than usual). And the house, as expected, had not cleaned itself overnight - the dishwasher remained unloaded, the floors remained neither swept nor vacuumed, the dust was solidly in place and the birthday party invitations were not yet addressed. And tonight is the night I have to make supper so that we can have leftovers for the rest of the week. Add that to my work stress (which is improved from a week ago, but still not a good situation), and I was one unhappy Juliet. 

So I made an executive decision. I did not want to go to work. Do I gave myself a work from home day. Baby got to sleep in before being bundled off to daycare. I took some chicken out to thaw, and I put it in the oven before going to pick up the little one. And I used my lunch break to vacuum. Things are still dusty and the invitations will be done shortly, but it was a good day overall. The work stress was still there, but I had time to get it done without worrying about pick-up time. 

I gave myself a break. And that little decision made my day. If you can work from home, do it. If you can't, maybe your break is waking up 10 minutes earlier to tidy up. Maybe it's calling a friend during your commute. Maybe your break is letting the house stay dirty for another day or two. Getting a pedicure while the kids are with their dad. Or maybe it's picking up pizza so you don't have to cook. I've done all these things at one time or another, and it's almost always worth it. Trust me - you're no good to your family or your work or even yourself if you're too tightly wound. You know your breaking point - give yourself a break before you get there. 

Books: Dark Places

Dark Places
Gillian Flynn
345 pages

Dark Places is one of Gillian Flynn's earlier books (by "earlier," I mean before this summer's ubiquitous Gone Girl, which I liked but did not love). I happen to remember Flynn from Entertainment Weekly, which is my favorite magazine.

Dark Places follows Libby Day, and adult whose mother and sisters were murdered when she was a child. Libby testified that her brother, Ben, was the killer, and he's been in jail for the 25 years since. Libby has been drifting and living off donations, which are almost out. So when Lyle and the Kill Club (a local group of people obsessed with various murders and murderers) contact her and offer to pay her for helping them solve the crime (they believe Ben to be innocent), she takes them up on it for the money.

And to reveal too much more of the plot would be spoiling it. I can say that the narration shifts between Libby in the present day, Ben the day of the murders, and mom Patty the day of the murders. It's a stressful day for a lot of reasons (family is poor, Ben is a teenager, several pieces of bad news are delivered etc.). By the end of the book, Libby, the Kill Club and the reader all know true story of the murders.

Did I like it? The action was well-paced, the dialog is believable, and the story was enjoyable. However, I thought the ending was a little too tidy. A quick scan of Internet reviews show that I am in the minority here, but I though the deus ex machina was a little too unbelievable. So, my final verdict is that it's well-written but ultimately I wouldn't recommend it.

Did it pass the Bechdel test? Yes. Libby doesn't necessarily interact with many women (she's a loner), but Patty interacts with her sister Diane, and childhood Libby and her sisters Debby and Michelle talk amongst each other a lot.

Three Years

Today was our third anniversary. It was a cold, snowy day - quite the contrast from our beautiful, springy wedding day. We planned to go to the restaurant where we had our reception for a smelt fry (my first), but sick baby means that plans are postponed until tomorrow.

How has my life changed in the past three years? We lived together before we were married (scandal!), so it's easy to say not very much. And we've since had a baby, so it's easy to say in every way possible. But I think the real answer is somewhere in between.

I've learned that it's OK to sometimes give up control. We combined checking accounts, so I never even check it any more ... I used to check it at least once a day. But I know we both know how to live within our means, and I know he's honest with me when I ask how we're doing. And I do know how to check the account, so there's always a back-up plan.

I've learned to take other people into account. When you're single it's sometimes easier to make decisions, since it really only affects you. But it's nice to have a fully invested sounding board, as well as someone else to occasionally make decisions.

I think the best thing about our relationship is that we're great partners. Not in the sense that we split all chores 50/50 (although we each pull our weight) or that we always agree (although usually we can come to a conclusion we're both happy with). It's more about being complements. I'm somewhat prone to losing my shit, and Nick is a great calming influence on that. We each have skills the other lacks. And we know we don't have to take the world on alone. I loved being single, and I was great at it, but I love being married. I love you, Nick.

And Here's Where This Becomes the Mommy-est of Mommyblogs

Today, a good friend of mine ran the Boston Marathon. 25 miles of it, because some asshats bombed the finish line. She's OK, but obviously shaken. Running the marathon has been a goal of hers for years, and while 26.2 miles was going to be tough, I imagine it's even tougher to be forced to quit 1.2 miles from your goal.

In smaller news, my workday was not one I'd describe as gratifying. To put it mildly. To put it more directly, I counted the days left until my severance arrives. More than once.

And then at the end of the day I had to buy dishwasher detergent. Which isn't a big deal, unless one is cranky.

Anyway. I knew I couldn't bring my work attitude home. My family doesn't deserve that. And after being in a downward spiral (and being around others who were spiraling even faster), I was sick of it.

So I called my mom. And I picked up a pizza (already planned, but as it happens the best idea ever). And I made myself a vodka grape juice (which is a thing if that's the only mixer you have on hand). Strapped baby into the booster and gave her bits of cheese from my pizza.

She bounced up and down with each bite and made a yummy sound. I laughed at her. Nick laughed at her. And she pretended to get the joke, so we were all laughing together. And I forgot what I ever did for entertainment before I had a baby. And then she took a bath and I vacuumed and then smelled her clean baby hair. This is why I do it. This is why the world goes on. This is why people set goals. Not just because of babies. Because there's good things in the world. Because the small, simple moments can be the best. And because if there wasn't bitter, there wouldn't be sweet.